It’s November again.
It’s been a year since my attempt to write you a series of letters which ended up in being just one letter. I hope you can forgive me..
But today I am determined to start writing again.. I hope you can bear with me as I’m sure I got a bit rusty over the past months..
It’s been a whole entire year. Who would have thought?.. Last year, today, I was reminded again that life is precious but is so incredible short. Tomorrow is not in our hands.. I remember.. 1 November 2014.. I was trying to hold back my tears and say: “That’s what God wanted. He knows better.” And I am sure He does know. But is it really always God’s will? In the past year I started seeing a bit different the will of God.
It was an early Saturday morning. Was Sabbath, rest day for the soul and body.. But little did I know that day was not going to bring rest to my heart.. I was in Germany, attending a youth event. Friday, the day before, I found out my father’s sister was in the hospital and she needed prayers. The next thing I know, she did no longer need my prayers…
Death happens every single second but it hits us hard only when is personally connected to someone we know or love or something we relate to in a very special way. So, as the selfish human being as I am, I cried.
After there were no more tears to be cried, I stopped and asked myself: why do we cry? Do we cry because we are sorry for the person who died? Why would we feel sorry for them.. they feel no more, they hear no more, they hurt no more. Aren’t we maybe crying for ourselves? For the emptiness that is left in our hearts after they are gone.. for the moments when we are going to miss them? Or maybe for the things that we haven’t told them or for the hugs we have not shared with them? And here we come again.. down to the selfishness of human nature.
Going back to my story..you see, is my favorite aunt we are talking about. My dad’s older sister. Every year when we went visit them during the summer holidays, she always baked my favorite deserts and my favorite dishes. Whenever we would go visit grandma and grandpa, aunt Mariana would have donuts and fries for me (don’t jump to judge, salads and abundance of fruits straight from their organic garden, were filling the dinner tables too!). I remember that every visit was an everlasting adventure of treasure hunting. Every single corner of the property was hiding a new interesting discovery I was going to make that summer. All the time there were new animals around the house and different kind of canned food she would prepare for us for winter. Oh.. the little ducks or the baby chickens, or the cats and the kitties and the puppies and the dogs and the parrots and… yes. You guessed it right. My ant was an animal lover. And she treated them so well. And all of them repaid her love with loyalty.. I remember my grandma not letting the dogs inside the house and whenever they would see my aunt coming, they would just try to get in with her so they can snuggle in bed with her. Oh.. what times were those..
My earliest memories of my favorite aunt were those from the family worship when we would pray for her and my other uncle that they both will accept Jesus Christ as their savior and Lord. She was raised in a christian family but she chose her own way. I remember praying that she gives up smoking and she gives her life to God.. 20 years later, my dad gets a phone call: “Please, come, I want to get baptized. And I want you to be the one who will baptize me.” Oh what a joy! Can you imagine praying for someone for 20 years and eventually seeing those prayers being answered?!? I’m sure there were tears of joy in heaven..
I know that when someone is not with us anymore, we only say nice things about them. And I would not do anything different. But I want to use this heartbreaking experience from my life to turn it into a blessing.
My favorite ant is not alive anymore. She is asleep and she can not make decisions or do anything anymore. But, my dear autumn, I hope the readers can realize that we, who are still alive, we have still this chance of doing things in a different way. See.. my aunt decision of accepting Christ as her savior, unfortunately did not take away the consequences of her 40 years of smoking. When she was in the hospital, not feeling well, they discovered a huge tumor in her lungs. As much as I love my aunt, I can not say now: “This is what God wanted.” No! God does not want us to die. But God gives us freedom of choice.. and our choices, sooner or later will have a bigger impact on our lives than we can think of, right now.
The day aunt Mariana decided to follow Christ was probably the best day of her life and the best decision she could have made for her life. But that could not take away the 40 years of ignorance from her side. She consciously gave away 12 minutes of her life with every cigarette she smoke. And no, that was not God’s will that she will leave us so soon. That was her decision for 40 years. I do not blame her. I am happy she had turned her life around but … I do still wonder what if.. she was still around?
Dear Autumn, I am putting this out here not to blame my aunty.. not to picture an ugly image of herself. I love her to bits. And I cling to the great hope we have, that when Jesus will come back, I will meet her again, and hug her and tell her I love her. I care for her very much and I wish she could be here so I can express all these things to her. But, dear Autumn, the reason I am putting all this things out there is for anyone that might be reading this thoughts mixed together on a virtual pice of paper on a autumn day.. After a long time of thinking I decided to write down all this thoughts.. I realized how underestimated is the power that relies in the free will of choice that was given to us, human being, by our Father in Heaven.
I don’t know who is going to read my letter to you, but please, dearest Autumn, either he/she is a stranger or friend, fellow blogger, or pastor, or doctor.. I don’t know how and who got them here on this messy piece of letter.. but I am sure, dear reader, that you are either a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, a cousin, a father or a future father, a husband or someone that dreams of becoming one, a friend or just a stranger walking down the road.. One thing I know for sure: for someone, you are something, and the decisions you make today for your life, will infinitely affect them.
Please, I beg you! Is not your life! You can not do whatever you want with it! You were brought with the price of Jesus’ blood. And He paid with His life so you can be free.. Life is a gift you have received and which you have to treasure and take care of, like you care for the most precious thing you own. And the life you were given is to be shared. You are not made to live for yourself, achieve your own desires and plans and live after your own taste and will. a This is the cruel reality. Is not a pleasant image. But is the cruel reality. On my shoulders, and your shoulders relies a responsibility.. that we would live an intentional responsible life… and we would do everything in our power that we won’t cause unnecessary tears to those we love.. Now, drop that cigarette or you know what is that habit that is shortening your life, and add more minutes to your life.
Now, stand up, turn your computer off and go spend time with those you love. No, don’t take your phone with you. Spend intentional time with your dear ones. Give them a hug . Make them know that you cherish them.. and hug them again.. and once more.